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Relationships: I'm not in One & I'm Totally ok with it

I want to preface this post by saying that this type of content isn't what you'll usually read here on Northern Prepster. While I do share most of my life on this blog, there are certain bits I often choose to omit from sharing but this post is something I've been thinking about writing for a while and finally found the motivation to sit down and write it all out. So here we go.


Relationships are amazing, beautiful and important in life. I'm talking about all relationships; friendships, family, professional, the whole shebang. I believe that a key component to networking in today's society is all about who you know and who knows you. Relationships are critical for our wellbeing. Our whole lives are spent building relationships with one another, it's just in our nature.


Every Monday evening I host Monday Night Nine on my Instagram stories. If you're not familiar with MNN, every Monday, I answer the first nine questions that my followers on Instagram ask me. There are no restrictions on what can be asked and while I have opted not to answer certain questions for personal or privacy reasons, pretty much everything is fair game. I started Monday Night Nine as a way for my audience to get to know me more than just 'the girl behind Northern Prepster' and I was blown away at the positive response I received and have since made MNN a weekly thing. 


I've been doing MNN for almost 8 months and the top question I get asked is "are you in a relationship?" or "are you dating anyone?"

The first couple of times I would answer (with my answer being NO, every time) but then after a month or so I stopped answering this question. 

It wasn't that I was embarrassed or ashamed that I wasn't in a relationship, it's quite the opposite actually. But it was the responses I would receive to my answer of 'No' that left me wondering if I was doing something wrong. I was bombarded with questions like "what do you mean you're not in a relationship?" or "how are you still single?" I was caught off guard when people kept messaging me, noticeably shocked, after reading that I wasn't involved in a relationship. 

After the ninth (yes, NINTH) consecutive week of receiving these questions on Monday Night Nine, I remember talking about it with my friends, who are also all not involved in relationships, so they are in the same place that I am. Talking about this my friends, with the Bachelor playing in the background might I add, made me realize that the media makes our generation believe thay in order to be happy, you need to be in a relationship. I can't speak on behalf of anyone other than myself, but I strongly disagree with this. 


I am 20 years old and have never been in a relationship, or even been on a date before (at least not in my book). There. I said it. I'm in my second decade of life and although I've never been asked on a date or been in a relationship, I am perfectly okay with that and am extremely happy with my life and where I am today. 

Yes, one day down the road I would like to find myself in a relationship and be able to have the fairytale wedding I've dreamed about since I was little (if you know me well enough, I've probably showed you pictures of the beautiful rustic barn that I'm obsessed with) and I would like to have a family of my own. But for now, I'm happy by myself. 

Being independent for the last 20 years of my life has allowed me to grow in so many indescribable ways and spending lots of time by myself gave me time to realize what I value in life and what I truly want in a relationship. 

One of the biggest things impacting relationships nowadays is social media and the fact that it plays such a big role in most people's daily lives. We live in a world where relationships are defined by how long your Snapchat streak is, how quickly someone replies to your text messages or if someone does or doesn't like our picture on Instagram it leaves us wondering where we stand with them. I'm not saying that I haven't done those things, because I'm guilty of all three of them.

It took me a while to learn this but relationships worth having in your life are not ones that rely upon social media. 

Now I'm not saying that social media is a bad way to meet people and form these relationships because I've made countless friends via blogging and Instagram and I even met my freshman year roommate who is now one of my closest friends via Facebook. Relationships that I want in my life are ones that work both in person and online. I want to be able to have meaningful conversations with someone in person, face-to-face as opposed to just online. I want someone to get to know me based on the things I choose to tell them, not what they can gather from my Instagram pictures or my favorites on Twitter. 


I've talked with several of you through Instagram messages you've sent me about being single in today's day and age and here is my message to anyone else who may be feeling that way:

I am a firm believer that the best things in life are worth waiting for. I would much rather wait and really get to know someone before I rush into a potentially toxic relationship. My guard is always up and I'm very cautious as to who I let into my life because people have the ability to leave your life whenever they please. It hurts to know that, but it's true. Because of this and because I've had people walk out of my life after I open up to them, I've become very selective about who I choose to spend my time with and every relationship in my life is built upon a foundation of trust. I am not angry at the fact that people have left my life, while it is a hard pill to swallow at times and they have caused me to wonder if I did something wrong, I am quick to realize that as long as I was my raw, authentic self, that I did nothing wrong to make them want to leave. I am instead grateful because these experiences have helped me grow and realize what I am truly looking for in a strong relationship. 

Just because the season of life you're currently in hasn't lead you to a relationship, doesn't mean that the next one won't. Just be patient and know that you do not need to be dating someone to be happy and that being single does not define you. Good things take time, just remember that. 

xoxo,
Ri

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